Sunday, 17 March 2013

Discussion: Why I Don't Write

A question I get asked from a lot of posts on this blog is 'Do you write stories? Do you write fiction?'
I'm never quite sure why I get asked this, perhaps because a large majority of book bloggers also write as a hobby/living, perhaps I come across as if I would, not sure.

Simply, the answer is no, I don't.

However, that's not entirely true. Because everyone writes. I write reviews, articles, tweets. But when it come to stories, fiction, tales - everyone at some point has written that story, the story based on something true, a way for your emotions to let loose. Or for that stage where you want to be an Author (the capital was on purpose). Every child has gone through it. Every teenager may have gone through it. And they always will.

In English, when we were asked to do creative writing, the idea didn't quite excite me as it did for others.
When I did have to write something fictional, I based it on other people's work (yeah, plagiarism) or of my own experiences.

I have only ever created one story seriously with the intention of perhaps it being published. When I was in Year 9, I found an old notebook where I had loosely written a story a few years before that basing it about this guy I liked. Now, I cringe greatly even at the thought of my 11 year-old self actually doing that and just hope to God, that neither him or any of his friends find this post (I highly doubt they will but guys, if you have, please don't tease me - I was 11!). Ironically, the guy I had based it on was actually my boyfriend when I found this notebook, two years after being written.

The story was really bad. Like seriously bad despite being written by an 11 year-old. It was set in a school with the characters having the same names as my friends at the time. The girls I didn't like were written in there too as Emma (the main character) started new at a secondary school, became friends with this guy and everything grew from there until his angry ex-girlfriend (part of the group I didn't like) appears and then, things got complicated. Not quite Jane Austen.
The story, while reading though, reminded me of Sarah Dessen. An author that I hadn't discovered in Year 8 and I think this is one of the main reasons I love her. I once wrote stories similar to hers, no wonder I would then love her work.

Anyway, when I found this, I was going through a time when I was bored. I had nothing to do and I needed something to fill the time so I didn't think about this boyfriend, which wasn't going as well as I imagined in my story, my not-so-amazing friends at the time and to fill the time that I should have been out enjoying myself.
So. That is the only time I started to write a story. A novel. A book based on this original story I had found (but severely altered) with a few scenes that eager Sarah Dessen fans would spot instantly. It was a story of loss, friendship and love.
I got quite far into it. I got the end, the beginning and the majority of the middle. But the bit between the middle and end was left blank, a confused 14 year-old Rebecca not quite sure what to type next. That day I got stuck, I left it. And forgot about it. It was only until a couple of nights ago I found the file when I was going through some folders on my laptop saved under 'My Random Story'. It was 98 pages long, a length I couldn't believe and never have achieved on Word before. I started reading it and to be honest, it's not as bad as I remembered. There are parts I have to skip for different reasons such as too much based on reality and bring back memories I have buried, too badly written, or just pure cringe.

For the record, that time of my life is not a period I look back at fondly in hindsight. It was a time where I was too naive, too trusting and thought everything would be perfect if I believed it was. My love life has never been that much of a highlight of my 18 years for numerous reasons and I think comparing what I thought going out with someone was like and what it was in reality show that perfectly. Let's just say I've been a lone wolf for a while now. I may post part of this story one day, but I don't think I'm ready yet to let the whole Internet know.

So I guess the purpose of this post is to clear that up. Yeah I do write. Articles, posts, essays. Yeah I have written a story. It's just something I'm not into now. I would love to finish this story, there's just an infinite amount of endings. Hopefully I'll find one, one day.

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