Friday, 11 October 2013

Blogging

So I'm still here, still alive and well.

I've been at university for a month now and whoa, has a lot of things happened. For the most part, I am enjoying my course a lot, although there is a huge amount of reading for it. Particularly, there is one module about adaptations that I love. I have lovely flatmates (who know and are cool with me having a blog, hey guys if you're reading this) and I've met some nice people on my course who we share our sighs for 9am lectures, assignments and the search for the one book that all 160 people on my course want. It's been good. It's different but it's really good. I haven't felt particularly homesick which is a little weird but I'm not complaining.

However, more pressingly, university is a fresh start for nearly all the people who attend it. While I'm basically the same person, I entered my flat as 'Rebecca, the girl from West London', not as just plain Rebecca that people have known for years.
And it's that which I think has changed my perceptions of blogging now (somehow). This is a fresh start and a new phase in my life and I'm not sure whether blogging is included in that. I love blogging, I really do, but anyone who looks at my archive can see that over this year, even over the last few years, the amount of effort I put in to this blog has declined. And in the changing face of the blogging world now, that's not good enough.

I started blogging three and a half years ago. Then, blogging was literally a hobby especially book blogging. It was so casual, everyone was so nice and friendly although the world was dominated by older American bloggers than myself. In the last few years, the amount of English bloggers as well as younger bloggers has risen so much. I love that it has especially with having more English bloggers around and more British groups and memes like Project UKYA. I also like that there are more younger bloggers around because let's face it, YA is aimed at teenagers.
However, in the last few months, it's daunted on me that these changes (not just the two I mention) have also introduced a new kind of philosophy to the blogging world in that you HAVE to always be posting, always having the best authors on your blog, always around and interesting. And it's so exhausting. I can't keep up with this pressure. Blogging is supposed to be fun but recently it's felt like a bit of a chore, something I feel I should carry on for the sake of being around for the last 3 years. I do want to be able to say 'I'm a blogger' but sometimes I think I'm kidding myself when I say that because in the last year, I really haven't been just that. I liked it when everything was casual, it didn't matter if you posted one review in two weeks - no-one cared. But now, it's completely different even if we don't realise it.

I'm 18, I'm away from home at university. I really don't need or want any extra stress at writing reviews, getting posts published, constantly trying to think of new and exciting things to post. I'm just juggling a lot of things at the moment - moving out, work, university work, assignments, all the reading for uni (THERE'S A LOT), meeting people - sometimes it gets a little bit too much already.
One of my flatmates has a beauty blog and she gets so excited over writing posts, thinking of ideas, designing her blog, taking pictures - it makes me sad watching her sometimes because I used to be that enthusiastic about blogging, I used to have all these ideas - I'm not sure where that's gone.

This isn't an end post. This is a post letting you guys know what's going on in my head right now.
I love reading, I love books, I love blogging, I love what I've achieved through this blog that I never would have had the opportunity to do so before. I love all of that.
But I'm just unsure if I can carry on. Blogging has become far too stressful.

3 comments:

  1. Don't worry, as you can tell from my blog, uni sometimes just gets in the way, and that is a good thing in my books because it means that you're doing something - living life - instead, so it's not time wasted! I don't define myself as "a blogger", because I am far too casual for that, and I always was, even when I had a good publication schedule going. Blogging was always an outlet for me to say things that I couldn't figure out how to say else, a way to keep a record of what I though and what was going on if I managed to blog about that. I just say that "I blog", which is always true. Find out what it is for you, and don't feel bad about it, because it's your blog. Your choice.

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  2. I definitely agree with Ness - it's your blog. You shouldn't feel bad about this.

    This is a topic I've always had a strong opinion on, though I know for a fact that some disagree with me. Blogging is, as you said you believed it to be when you first began, a hobby. It is ultimately an activity for the writer, not the reader. And honestly, I've seen plenty of blogs that may have daily posts but lack any real thought. Ideas come when we aren't stressed; they come when the conditions in our heads are just right. With that, I really encourage you to not care. There are some blogs I follow that are completely inactive, but I still follow them just in case I ever see a post again. People won't give up on you if you end up posting less and live the university life.

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  3. I can totally see where you're coming from, Rebecca, and I know that I wouldn't blog if I felt the same. At the moment I'm in a real book funk and I just can't read anything for more than five minutes, even if it's really good. When I get like this, I don't feel like blogging much so I'm just focusing on Project UKYA more where I don't feel the pressure to post review after review.
    I've also tried booktubing and I've found that I really like editing videos and it makes things more fun.

    Blogging has changed a lot even since I've started and I wish there wasn't so much pressure to post every day because, not only is it draining, it means that there's so many posts out there. Do we really want to comment on all these posts every day? I want to start commenting only on the posts that make me feel something, rather than because I feel I have to.

    Your blog has always been my favourite, Rebecca, and you're one of the loveliest bloggers I know so I'll be really sad if you stop blogging altogether. If you do stop, I'd still really love to stay in contact because I've come to think of you as a really good friend. :)

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